"God moves in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform..." William Cowper

Monday, October 17, 2011

Undo Me

Some time back, I found myself stuck in a spiritual slump. I didn't want to be bothered with anyone, or have anyone bother me. I'm ashamed to admit this, but honestly all I wanted to do was fly to a deserted island--just me and my computer and the story ideas floating in my head. Why was God setting up so many roadblocks? Didn't He want me to write for Him?

Thankfully, through multiple circumstances, God lighted my path. No, He isn't looking for more works I can throw at His mighty feet. He wants me, all of me, and if writing is a part of that, it will only be worthy of Him if I put Him first. This prayer hit home for me during that time, and it still does. I especially love the last paragraph. God bless and have a wonderful, blessed week!

I don’t really worship these day
I don’t really stand up to praise you with songs
Or prayers or actions
or with anything
I am full of all the right moves
I am full of all the right words
I am full of all the right religion
But it is all just illusion
I am really
Lonely
Lost
Calloused
Jaded
Cynical
Too religious
Too realistic
and well really just too lazy
to worship you anymore
I have lost my first love
I have lost the joy of your presence
But most of all I have lost the fear of your glory

Father I need to see you again
Like Isaiah I want to stand in awe of your glory
To fall down at your feet
To come face to face with your
Perfection,
Radiance,
Goodness,
Holiness,
Awesomeness
I want to stand before you and see you for who you are
and me for who I am
I want to be undone

I want to know me for who I really am
I want to see the depths of my heart
And know that you are the only way
You are the only truth
You are the only life
I want to see me and understand
What it really must have taken for you to
Love me
Care for me
See me
Speak to me
Want me
Communicate with me
Die for me
Die for me
Die for me

Lord, I want to stand in that place where all I can see is your glory
And my sin
Because in that place I can’t help but worship you.
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
Lord, undo my heart
break down these walls that I love so much
No, wait don’t,
I’m scared I don’t know if I can handle this
don’t
But I can’t live this way anymore
I can’t stand here in this half-life
this going through the motions life
this not really alive life
Father, I need you so come in and do what you must
Cut out the tumor on my heart
Break down the walls that I love
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
let me worship you again

*Blake Williams

5 comments:

  1. Beautiful, Heidi. I love the honesty in this post. The Lord wants all of us, doesn't He? Just stay faithful, and leave the results of your writing to Him.

    Love you, friend. :)
    Mel

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  2. Wonderful encouragement, Heidi! I especially liked(?) the part about being lazy. Ouch!

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  3. Thanks Melanie. And you're right, results are all Him. ;)

    Sandy, that lazy line gets me too!

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  4. NewEnglandNature.etsy.comOctober 19, 2011 at 3:38 PM

    I enjoyed this blog and your last few that I was catching up on. Love you, Mom

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